Anxiety

This one is on unwrapping anxiety. This is still pretty raw, so I’ll see where it goes.

You know that moment when you are somewhere, and it just feels like home? It just feels right. Not just places, there are people who feel like home too. Now, normally you’d be very happy, content and completely relaxed when you find that place.

For some of us it’s not that easy. Yes, happy. Yes, content. Telling everybody about it? Of course!

In comes anxiety. Suddenly you feel anxious - seemingly out of nowhere. You feel relaxed and happy, but you have a knot in your stomach. Something feels off. You start to tense up.

So, here’s what I did when this happed. I stopped. Physically and mentally. I just stopped. I acknowledged the anxiety. I did it with a sense of wonderment: “I wonder what I’m feeling anxious about”. That’s all I did. Then I continued walking.

My brain went straight to work. It’s the big problem solver, right? It can’t have things that don’t make sense. And as soon as you activate it, it’ll do the work. I’m still a bit stunned as to how quickly I figured it out.

What used to happen was that I would feel miserable about feeling anxious in such a beautiful moment at such a beautiful place. It just didn’t make sense. I never really questioned things or looked a bit deeper. I didn’t want to feel that way. It was all wrong.

We’ve established that ignoring your feelings and actively pushing them away is not a good idea. Why are we still so hardwired to try and do it? I mean I was also tempted to shake it off. To “get over it”. I didn’t want for it to spoil the moment. I had to really force myself to stop.

Now, by stopping for literally 10 seconds, taking a few deep breaths, and acknowledging how anxious I was feeling, I actually saved that moment. It was still there 10 seconds later. I was now able to enjoy it more. I was now able to focus my attention on the beauty that surrounded me. I saw a ladybug that very moment. I could feel the sun, rain and wind (yes simultaneously) on my skin. It all made me feel so connected.

What was the anxiety about? Here’s what I know so far. I was scared of losing the moment. I was scared of losing that connection. I was scared that I wouldn’t be able to hold on to it. But you know what? Even if I never come back to this place. Even if you can never fully re-create a moment like that.

It’s in my heart – forever. It’s there like a friend holding your hand. It’s like a thoughtful present that you give yourself.

It’s beautiful.