Grieving

Even though grieving didn’t make it into my book as a chapter it is a very important part of the healing process. We’re grieving all the time. We’re grieving what could have been and never was.

Some of us are grieving the loss of an entire childhood. Some of us are grieving unmet needs. Some of us are grieving an early loss of innocence. Some of us are grieving the loss of authenticity – a loss of our true selves.

Stop living in the past, people say.

No, let me rephrase that. People who don’t get it will tell you to stop living in the past. People who think you can just positive think your way through life and that makes everything bright and sunny. People who shame others for not being able to let something go.

Grieving is healing. Grieving is important.

And I don’t mean dwelling on things and getting stuck. I mean giving the process space. Cry about the fact that you never had the opportunity to play carefree with your friends. Cry about there always being that feeling of responsibility. The responsibility of being the oldest in the group, the responsibility of being the most mature, the responsibility of knowing better when you’re about to do something stupid.

Once you realize that truly carefree play was super rare if it existed at all, that feeling of sadness needs space. That feeling of sadness needs attention. It needs acknowledgement.

Then you realize that what you needed back then was someone to protect you. Someone really strong that wouldn’t let anybody or anything hurt you. And you’re picturing a big cuddly lion. You lie down snuggled up by its side and sleep the deepest sleep ever because you feel safe. You don’t want to leave this place because you can finally rest.

Looking back, it makes you sad that you never had a big protector like that. You’re grieving all those hours you didn’t sleep because you were scared or stressed. You’re grieving what could have been if life had felt safe back then.

Out of the ashes of grief rise healing, courage and strength.

Healing from having given your grief space, from having found a strong protector within, from embracing that inner lion or lioness and welcoming it into your life.

Courage from the realization that you’re brave enough to face your past and those difficult feelings. Courage from the knowledge that as long as you stay true to yourself nothing can penetrate your armor of authenticity.

Strength from having found that lion/lioness inside of you and making it roar loudly.

Grief is an important part of the healing process of trauma. Don’t ever let anybody tell you otherwise. It takes courage to grieve. It takes courage to cry for what never was. It takes courage.

We all have the strength of a lion/lioness inside us – grieving helps us make it roar.